Today I couldn’t stop asking myself the question every middle-aged housewife asks herself at nine am.
When did I stop being cool?
In case you’re wondering, no, I am not having a hot flash, nor am I referring to losing one’s cool in the sense of temper or sanity.
What I’m referring to is my awesomeness.
My wicked strut in and own the place because I’ve got it going on vibe that I once had.
Did I trade it in at the hospital when I had my first child?
What if there had been warning signs that I was losing it?
Like an alarm bell or email alert: WARNING! We’ve noticed some lame activity in your life. Please reevaluate your leisure activities and all song choices immediately. Also, stop shopping for clothes at JC Penny.
If I had known I was losing it, maybe I would’ve done things differently, and I wouldn’t be the massive goober I am today.
Oh well, it’s too late for me.
But, perhaps it doesn’t have to be this way for you. Maybe if you recognize the warning signs, you can get help before it’s too late.
16 WARNING SIGNS YOU’RE NOT COOL ANYMORE
-You’ve asked your teenager, “Is that what the kids are doing?”
-You’ve asked Google, “Is that what the kids are saying?”
-You have ever referenced a celebrity as “Oh, you know, that girl, in that movie…”
-You’ve ever called a #hashtag a #poundsign
-You’ve started using the Instagram dog filter on Facebook
-You’ve ever called Lil’ Jon Little Jonathan
-You pack snacks before you leave the house
-You just asked what was wrong with packing snacks???
-You’ve ever asked a group of teenagers if they need to go potty
-You think Kid’s Bop did it better
-Your idea of a cold one is a Capri Sun that’s been in the refrigerator for longer than an hour
-You’ve tried to make sense of teen slang
-You really get excited about Target
-You refer to your kid’s choice of music as “racket.”
-You can identify with Larry David in Curb Your Enthusiasm
-All of your dance moves are from another decade
If you can identify with one or more of these warning signs seek help or just face the truth and let go of the illusion of ever being cool again…