Autism is not an excuse for bad behavior. That’s what my mom told me after visiting us on Christmas last year. My mother thought my autistic son’s Christmas Day autism meltdown was due to a lack of discipline.
You see, he was overloaded by all of the holiday festivities and six hours into the happiest day of the year he broke down hardcore style.
We’re talking red-faced nonstop unconsolable crying. My parents were trying to reason with him in the midst of a complete autism meltdown which resulted in more anger and a bite mark on my mother’s hand which she showcased as if it were a medal.
Do you see what he did? You must get these tantrums under control...
If you’re a parent of a child with autism, then you may have a similar frustrating story. You know that there’s a difference between a tantrum and a meltdown.
And you have to know what it is so you can act accordingly.
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A tantrum occurs when your child is denied something they want. Generally speaking, he is in control of his behavior in a tantrum scenario.
When my daughter was little, she threw the biggest hissy fits every time my husband took her to the grocery store.
It went something like this: She would ask for candy-he would say no-and the fit began.
As they made their way through the grocery list, her tantrum would build, and she would cry and scream until he gave in to her demands for a Hershey’s bar, bag of Skittles or whatever trending Unicorn candy was on sale at the time.
Because she knew he would eventually give in and she’d get what she wanted.
Unknowingly, he was reinforcing her bad behavior by buying her candy. During her fits or tantrums, even the BIG ones, my daughter was entirely in control of her behavior and did not harm herself.
Tantrums are goal driven behaviors.
Meltdowns are not.
Autism meltdowns happen as a result of sensory overstimulation and a feeling of being overwhelmed. That’s why they’re also known as sensory meltdowns.
Sometimes there’s an apparent cause for these meltdowns like a change in routine, hunger, thirst, lack of sleep, and sensory overload.
Too many holiday festivities triggered my son’s meltdown; too many people, activities, and the change in his routine resulted in sensory overload.
During a meltdown, the child is not in control of his behavior.
He’s not bad.
He does not need a spanking.
He’s not “acting this way” because he’s spoiled.
Most sensory meltdowns trigger the brain’s “fight or flight” reaction making it more challenging to manage and causing the meltdown to last longer.
Examples of Fight or Flight Reaction
- Kicking, Biting, Screaming, Spitting, Throwing Things
- Crying inconsolably
- Covering Eyes, Ears, & Tucking his legs
- Curling up in the fetal position
- Checking or zoning out
- Not speaking or moving
Now, what can a parent or caregiver do?
Acknowledge your child and their goal (in my husband’s case it was the candy) but do not give in. After your child tires from throwing the tantrum you can explain how you expect them to behave in future situations.
Meltdowns typically end in exhaustion (your child’s not your’s!) or in some cases a change in the amount of sensory input.
Strategies to Calm Sensory Meltdowns
Do Not Treat Meltdowns As Behavior
Keep in mind your child doesn’t have a goal in mind. His brain has switched into “fight or flight” and he isn’t in control. This is especially difficult if you are in a public setting. But you have to remember this is not a behavior issue-this is a brain reaction.
Your child needs a calm and steady voice of reassurance. He needs to feel safe. Speak in a soft voice and lead by example.
If possible, remove your child from the scene of overwhelming activity. This may mean seeking a calm room at a family event or leaving the mall or grocery store.
Use Visual Schedules
Visual schedules allow kids to understand the plan and help make transitions from task to task easier. These morning and bedtime visual schedule and activity cards are perfect for daily routines!
Keep a Journal
Be proactive and create a meltdown notebook where you write down everything that happened leading up to and during your child’s sensory overloads. You may discover patterns or triggers that you can address in an action plan.
Be Aware of Warning Signs
Autism meltdowns usually do not occur out of the blue. Recognizing the warning signs of your child’s impending meltdown is crucial to ensure it doesn’t escalate. Meltdowns typically begin with what is known as “rumblings” Look out for pacing, stimming, or rocking back and forth.
Once you recognize rumbling behavior, try using a distraction to calm your child. Try a simple activity or familiar toy they enjoy.
Many parents collect these items and have them at the ready in case of a meltdown. You know it’s hard to think clearly in times of panic, so it’s a good idea to be prepared. Consider gathering items to keep in your car as well.
Noise Cancelling Headphones These can be a lifesaver for kids who are sensitive to auditory stimuli. Sometimes the noises coming from the dishwasher or the coffeepot are even too much to handle.These Bose QuietComfort Wireless Headphones are worth every penny when you have a child that’s sensitive to sound.
Fidget Toys You probably have a few fidget spinners around your house. Many kids with autism or sensory processing disorder are soothed by them, and sometimes you can even curb unwanted habits like nail biting and hair pulling by spinning them!
We like these slow rising squishies better. My ten year old daughter introduced our household to this trend & it stuck with my son. They come in fun shapes and vibrant colors. Squishies are like a stress ball that you can flatten out and watch rise. Pretty cool & distracting!
Weighted blankets help with sleep and kids with autism and sensory processing disorder find the added pressure from the weight soothing. This is the one I bought for my son Nathan, and it is fabulous. I bought another one for school, and the teacher’s love me for it! It’s incredible how fast it calms him down. I wish I had purchased this sooner! One quick note if you buy any weighted blanket be sure to buy a cover for it. They are so much easier to throw in the washing machine!
You may also want to consider a weighted vest or compression garments. Fun and Function has the best selection I have seen!
Sensory Diets have nothing to do with food and everything to do with giving your child the sensory input he needs to Sensory Diets are used in sensory integration therapy, and there is a ton of research behind them. Talk to your Occupational Therapist or school about getting a Sensory Diet of physical activities for your child.
Hey, I know how hard it is to remain calm during a meltdown. I know how bad it feels not to be able to help your child.
I’ve been there.
In my house.
At Dollar General.
In the car.
You’re going to be tested over and over again, and I’m telling you that you are going to make it.
It just takes time.
Please share your favorite calm down strategies. I love to hear from you!