What is your Why?
What is it that makes you get up in the morning?
Other than your alarm clock?
Other than your obligations; running kids to school, work, email, laundry, buying groceries, cooking dinner, etc…
What is that drives you?
The answer lies in a question.
It’s funny. I have been told that my first word was why. Well, maybe my second, my first may have been cookie, but why was definitely in the top two.
I asked so many questions when I was a kid that my mother invested in a set of Encyclopedia Brittanicas. See, there was no Google in the eighties, no Youtube, no Wikipedia and definitely no mommy bloggers to share information. So when my parents didn’t have an answer I found logical or were too tired to explain (I had a special gift for wearing them out) I was told to go look it up. I wore those encyclopedias out, too.
I was not a defiant child. Like most, I was curious, in search of the logic behind the rules. In search of a deeper understanding…of everything. I consider myself blessed because no one ever made me feel like I had to stop asking Why.
See, if you think about it, we stop using this three letter word right around middle school, and we carry this habit into adulthood. Maybe it’s because of peer pressure. We don’t want to look or feel dumb. Perhaps we are supposed to have all of the answers in Jr. High-which is ridiculous, but if you take a stroll down memory lane, you’ll probably recall that kid who teased others for raising her hand and for asking a “stupid” question. We don’t want anyone to think we sound dumb. At any rate, this time in our life marks the death of Why. For most of us, anyway. By the way, it’s much harder for girls, but that’s another blog post entirely.
The problem is, when you stop asking questions, stop asking why-you stop learning. And you stop growing as a person.
My mother in law never stopped asking Why. She was always looking for ways to learn and improve herself, which I always found odd because she was one of the best women I have ever known.
She went back to college in her thirties and earned her Bachelor’s in Interior Design. Shortly after she decorated Morgan Freeman’s home. Yep. That Morgan Freeman. Most women would have hung up their mink coats right then and there, but she had this ambition about her that kept her going.
When her husband of 40 years passed away, she stepped outside of her comfort zone once again and fulfilled her life long dream of moving from small town Mississippi to Colorado.
She was following her Why.
On her last visit to Mississippi, she told me something I will never forget.
I am not old, Heather. My body may be old, but my heart is young, and I have a lot of life to live.
She passed away a few months later after suffering a rare aortic aneurysm.
I will always admire her, for thousands of reasons, but most of all for her tenacity and ambition for living a life with meaning.
The two most important days in your life are the day you are born, and the day you find out why.
What is your why?
Your why is what invigorates you.
Inspires you.
Makes you keep going after you feel like you can’t take another step-not because you’re obligated to, or everyone expects you to, but because you have a purpose and that purpose keeps you going when times are tough.
Is it your children?
Is it your job?
If you haven’t given it much thought, then you need to take a break and do it now.
Life is too short to live without a Why.
Think about it this way. When you wake-up every day, are you using your time in the same way you would as if it was your last day on earth? If the answer is no, then you need to find your Why, and you need to find it now.
My son Nathan, who has autism, is part of my why.
This blog is part of it too.
See, when I decided to change my life, I took action in every area to improve it. I knew that if I didn’t help myself, I wouldn’t be able to help my kids. I changed my lifestyle, lost close to 80 pounds, started taking care of my skin, and I swear I have started to age backward, but that’s not all.
I decided to stop caring about what people thought of me.
The greatest prison people live in is the fear of what others think.
Since letting go of that fear, my confidence level has grown and I’ve been able to speak more openly and advocate on behalf of Nathan-which is something I will do for the rest of my life.
For the rest of my life, y’all. I need all of the strength I can get to do that job.
Which brings me to my why.
It took me about six hours to create the list of Special Needs Acronyms. It took me even longer to write the blog post about never giving up.
Often I get agitated.
As in, I curse a little.
See, I am teaching myself the tech stuff as I go and well, it’s hard to learn when your teacher is a moron.
One of those frustrated, long nights I was sitting in bed typing away on my laptop when my husband looked at me like I was crazy and asked me an all too familiar question.
Why?
Why are you doing this to yourself? This seems nuts…
Let me tell ya it feels different to be on the other end of that Why?
I took a deep breath, and I thought about it. Then I answered him. I gave him my Why.
I need to help people.
I need to let other moms know that nobody is perfect.
That we are all struggling with something-it may be depression, weight, autism-or, a super gassy husband-whatever- we are all going through something.
I can’t pretend to be someone I’m not.
I need to let people know they aren’t alone.
Maybe making someone laugh is my contribution or maybe a list of all the damn SPED acronyms is.
What if there’s a teenager out there that needs to know that it’s ok to feel less than someone else?
What if there’s a mom out there that needs to know that?
I know I’m not Mother Teresa or Mother Goose, but I am a mother and maybe by writing about my unique experiences I can help someone through theirs? You ask me why?
At this point, my voice began to quiver. I couldn’t help myself.
I gain strength-strength for our family and our son and our daughters through helping.
That is why. I finally know why!
I looked over at him, and he was asleep.
But I hope you’re awake.
I hope you’re wide awake and listening.
Well, reading and paying attention.
Life isn’t about keeping up with the Jones’s or the Kardashians or trying to be perfect on Facebook. It’s about discovering your Why and living each day to the fullest knowing that you have a purpose.
If you don’t know what that is yet, keep asking.
Don’t stop asking because you graduated kindergarten or you’re afraid to look dumb.
We’re all dumb on some level, ok?
Nobody has all of the answers.
Just do me a favor-while you’re out there trying to find your Why, be kind to everyone. Especially those who have their hand raised.
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Oh, Heather, this is your best one yet. You have such a gift of expressing every day doldrums that gives each reader that ‘hope’ that you tried to explain to big Na Na. (He will always be Na Na to me.) I too, have a special needs child. I was an 18 year old girl whom had already graduated high school and beauty school just a few month apart. I set out to get a business degree to one day own my own salon when I realized I was at Delta State, alone, and pregnant. At 19 I gave birth to a Down Syndrome daughter, Kayla. She had to have major open heart surgery at 2 months old or she wouldn’t live to be a year old. There was no ‘book of instructions’ to go by. She is now a 33 year old, very high functioning adult woman. She is the only one of my 3 children, 2 “normal”, that graduated from high school. If I had had access to a blog like yours during those years I raised these 3 by myself, there is no telling what we could have accomplished given a little nudge of confidence that I wasn’t alone. Keep doing what you do and tell Na Na that Ms. Tammy said to hush and keep supporting everything your heart desires. Thanks.
Its my daughter. I’ve been in a dark mood for weeks now, and she is the one spark of light that I can always count on
All you need is that one why that keeps you going, Jeremy! I’m sorry that you’ve been feeling dark & down. we all get there sometimes. It will get better!
Just don’t give up!!!
This made me think! I liked your MIL’s perspective. As I’ve hit midlife, I can relate. Things on the outside are starting to change, out of my control, but inside I still feel young, curious, and excited about the world.
#globalblogging
I can see that through your writing!! My mil was the best!!!
As someone who gets all tangled up in the what and the how of this life, I love hearing a reminder to stay in the why! Thank you.
It’s easy to get caught up in the what & how!!! SO EASY!! I’m glad you enjoyed it!!!
Heather Burnett, you are without a doubt at this very moment, my “idol”! You are so easy with words. Everything you say is exactly what the rest of us need to be saying and/or realizing. Quite an “eye opening” reading. I have already read it several times and will probably read it a few more times. Thank you, Heather, for sharing your thoughts and words with us and please continue to do so for a long, long time! Just awesome reading!!!! ?
Oh, Jan! thank you so much!!! You have no idea how much that means to me!!!
Fantastic blog, I’ve gone through a lot of changes in the last year and have found out things about myself and opened my mind to new learning which has changed me so much. This is so real and appropriate to me right now. thanks for sharing. xx #AnythingGoes
Glad you enjoyed it, Sam!
I love this – it’s good to remind yourself why you do something when the monotony of every day life threatens to take over
Thanks for linking up to #AnythingGoes 🙂
Debbie
I truly love your writing. You really are a talent. Thanks for linking up to #globalblogging
Are we allowed to have more than one why? Are we allowed to let this change? I guess for me it’s what brings me joy. #AnythingGoes
Yes! I think it’s fabulous to have more than one Why?!!!! If it keeps you going on the bad days and lifts you up when you’re down-Go For It!!!
I was curious like you growing up in the 80’s but I was never allowed to ask why. When I did, it was seen as an act of defiance, which led to me becoming defiant. Long story. But I know my why. It’s pretty much the same as yours I think. I want to help people. I want to help those who have survived childhood abuse and may be suffering from a mental illness because of it. I want to help mothers who have just learned their child has Autism – or some other disability – and know that she and her child will be okay. I want to help mothers who suffer from mental illness who think they are bad mothers because of it, learn that they aren’t bad mothers. They just need a little extra help and the right support system around them. I want to help young people who think no one loves them or that they are better off dead learn that they are not alone. We are all warriors of something. We are all capable of becoming our own heroes. Until I read your post though, I hadn’t given this much thought. Thank you Heather for helping me figure this out. I’m writing this all down now:) #bloggerclubuk
Hi Heather, what a thought provoking post, but totally correct. We all need a ‘why’! My ‘why’ is because I love the peacefulness of a new day. That peace and quiet, before the world wakes up gives me the strength to face whatever the day has in store for me. I’m still trying to help my son find his purpose in life, I’m sure he will… One day.
Thank you for linking up with the #MMBC.
xx
So many people wake up stressed out and panicked-I think it’s wonderful that you wake up with that mindset! I feel confident that your son will find his way!
What a great post, Heather. We all have a purpose and need to remember. I always tell my girls, a day without learning is a real wasteof a day. Great post! #stayclassymama xoxo
Oh Heather this is such an amazing post. I used to always know what my why was and I suppose you can have more than one. Recently my why is my children but i think every parent needs a why for themselves apart from their children and I am now in search of that why. Your mother in law sounds like she was an extraordinary woman. Thank you for sharing with #StayClassyMama