Mom Sentenced To 12 Months of Pinterest Projects After Lame Birthday Party was originally featured on Sammiches & Psych Med’s Mockmom. Full disclosure: this is a satirical story.
A Mississippi mother has been sentenced to 12 months of Pinterest after authorities discovered that she neglected to give her 9-year-old daughter an Epic Birthday Party.
Prosecutors say the Mother, 41-year-old Heather Burnett, thought celebrating the child’s birthday with close family would be sufficient, as she is not currently suffering from Mom Guilt or any other ordinary over-the-top party motivating emotional states.
Burnett was turned into the authorities by a nosey Facebook stalker who noticed no epic birthday party pictures posted on her timeline.
“These types of things just don’t happen here.” The local woman, who chose to hide her identity, told News9.
“I mean, you hear about it, but you don’t think it can happen so close to you.”
The child appears to be in stable condition and currently does not show any visible signs of abandonment, although she requests ” Fro-Yo ” regularly.
“Clearly, this family is off-trend,” reported Lisa Wallis of PartyPlaningInc.
Current birthday celebrations for children her age include an all-encompassing theme complete with custom invitations, activities, a full-scale petting zoo, swag bags, fully catered meals, character appearances, and, depending on the theme, possibly ice sculptures—also, #hastags. The Moms, I mean, kids, really get into planning these parties. The focus is all on the Mother, whoopsie, I mean, birthday girl.”
News9 asked child party play expert Jan Perkins for her take on the Burnett Party Foul.
“I have only seen a few cases like this one. These days parents go overboard on everything, so it’s hard to determine the outcome for this child, who now knows the world does not revolve around her. She could have to make friends based on her personality and learn to socialize in traditional settings, such as school and extracurricular activities. I just don’t know. I. Just. Don’t. Know.”
As for the Mother, she will serve her time in the home, where the judge has issued an order for a crafting table to be installed post haste. For the next 12 months, Mrs. Burnett will complete various DIY projects from Pinterest submitted by overbearing mothers who spend thousands on birthday parties.
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