Pokemon Go, Kim Kardashian, and Pinterest have all contributed to my Mom Fails the past couple of months.
Summer is halfway over and I haven’t met the goals I set for myself. I do tend to be a bit overly optimistic but still. One would think I would have hit at least one of them. Or at least get in the ball park.
But, Y’all, I didn’t even make it to the parking lot.
Electronic Back to School Forms. Yep. I had a plan to make these bad boys available online so that all moms could do one and be done. If you’ve got more than one kid in a school district, then you would appreciate my system. No need to fill out multiple (500) address sheets, parent cell numbers, allergy info, etc. My plan was all about ease of use. I failed miserably. Sorry moms. Have fun filling out your name, date of birth and emergency contact page, in triplicate, per child, for hours come back to school. Maybe next year I’ll get my act together.
Get Organized. I planned to be uber organized. I even purchased this custom planner online that promised me I would have my act together in less than 48 hours. It turns out, for the planner to be most efficient and enable you to live your best life, you must write all of your activities and responsibilities in said planner. You must also have a pen at the ready. Guess who didn’t? This chick!
Buy Back to School Items Early on SALE. Ba! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! I shouldn’t even be writing this one down. But I’m an honest person like that. I planned on taking advantage of a 4th of July Celebrate Our Great Nation by Spending All of Your Money Sale and getting my kid’s school uniforms on the cheap. Guess what? I didn’t. I probably won’t take advantage of the tax-free holiday I’ve been telling myself about either, and I’ll end up Amazon Priming it. And I realize by waiting until the last minute I will be hard pressed to find the right shade of red and the correct size for their body type. This will cause me to go into a Mom Panic and ultimately I drive the two hours to the nearest JC Penny and buy everything in sight.
100 Days of Summer Fun Adventures. We made it to number 2. That’s right. My adorable cherubs and I completed only two Pinterest style family activities together, and one of those was slime, so I’m not sure that counts. You know what does count? Geocaching with your nine-year-old. She discovered this made for adults but open for kids scavenger hunt a couple of weeks ago and, in the spirit of
kinship mom guilt I agreed to play along. After I had caught her playing Pokemon Go as I was trying to decipher clues, I called BS on the whole thing but in a very June Cleaver type of way. With only two weeks left, I guess there is still time for making homemade bath bombs and crafts with dryer lint, right?
Become a Traditional Housewife. Uh-Huh. Those of you that know me, please take a moment and wipe all that tea you just spit out of your mouth off of your person and screen. I am entirely serious. Somehow I believed that moving into a new home along with break from school would transform me into a cooking, cleaning, kitten heel wearing suburban mom-bot that served up three square meals a day and said things like, “Eat your vegetables, sweetie” and “Wait until your father gets home!” But I’m still the same ole me. Making my famous phone call most nights for dinner, and while we are waiting for dad to get home, it’s because he’s bringing home the takeout.
I had BIG plans, y’all.
I wanted to change the world.
I had dreams of writing life changing content.
Instead, I wrote about Kim Kardashian’s latex dress.
Did you hear me?
I wrote about the Kardashians. (Kim is currently trending now because she got makeup on her tiny bra top-in case you were wondering).
I planned to learn things this summer. We are all students in life no matter how old we are.
I needed to finally learn the NATO alphabet so I could properly communicate with the friendly folks at Blue Cross Blue Shield and HughesNet.
Want to know what I learned?
I found out out the hard way that you can remove fecal stains from carpet by using a technique that involves ammonia and an iron.
By the way, my irons a goner.
I wanted to write a post that would be relatable to teenagers like my daughter.
I wanted them to know that everybody screw up-a lot and high school sometimes sucks and no really, just be yourself and you don’t need all that makeup.
I’d tell them how the mean girls treated me in the 11th grade and how I ate lunch in the guidance counselor’s office because no one would sit with me in the cafeteria.
How much it hurt to feel alone and isolated. I’d tell them that I understand wanting to fit in with the group to avoid that pain, but it’s better not to blend in.
I planned to share my memories of counting down the minutes in class because I was so bored. How I often felt like I was in prison and how my parents didn’t understand me. How infuriated I’d get when my mother said I had it made and how I didn’t know what real stress was. I just wanted them to know I understood how difficult these years could be.
And that it does get better.
One day I’ll finally get a chance to write it.
I’ll put it in my planner for next summer.
When I finally find my pen.
This has been a Finish the Sentence Friday, Hosted by Kristi Campbell of Finding Ninee. This week’s sentence is “Summertime is halfway over, and I…”